Of things that are undefinable; there is the spiritual woman and I.
You are unable to conceive of a spiritual world, separated from time by truth/ and I am unable to change what has been changed; and return to time as I was. It is completely clear to me: that the spiritual woman and I have been fused together, as if just one. But she lives within the spiritual world, and I live within time; and together the spirit of my existence as life is now female/ and the reality of her decisions are translated into time through me; as if I am now her. It is complicated; more so, than it sounds. NO, there is nothing at all sexually related for men here; unless you want HADES now/ so says the warning I am to give you. No, transgender/ no anything other than: realities you do not understand. Which are not about you.
Given that element of truth; we walk together, her in her world/ and I in mine; but the divide between male and female is now: she controls everything of me. But I did agree; accepting the failure of male/ the less than complete reality of male and female joined: her turn now/ I did not realize, her access and abilities to change you; would come through the body or mind of me. It was a surprise; but “wrong again” has been a constant in everything “female related”. So, together we go, and I know not how it all ends. Nonetheless; with life or death of this world a truth/ I do wish her well, and hope merely to survive; with some degree of my own existence left.
As always: done is not done/ and to my surprise “memories have suddenly returned”. Because she instructs me to create a “little book”, on the living of life by me. Oddly enough; male did not return with memories; but they are elements of time,rather than me; not of life, but living. There is a difference.
so the question is: WHAT is substantial enough, of living; to be considered a lesson with value? Something useful enough to be worth writing. After I don’t know how many thousands of pages already written. It seems; I was trained to be a writer/ but even so, the body has grown weary of writing. To a people who refuse to learn; constantly screaming “I want what I want”. Me, me, me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ME damn you me. So, writing became an education to you; a “newspaper” to me; as “reality demanded, START, from the beginning”. They are unable to learn, if you do not. But then came the understanding: I MUST learn to defeat the universities/ which have taken control. So I did do that, in many important lessons I have taught.
I will begin at the beginning I guess; with the simple truth, that I had primary immunity deficiency as a child; penicillin saved me, along with my mom. I am told it is the result of not breast feeding.
The moment most critical: my grandmother told me to go outside in the rain/ at about 3 years old (she was going to show mom; overprotective)/ but I got sick, couldn’t get back in the door; and in the hospital, to barely survive. Today, I consider that to be a lesson in “medi-care; is for children/ not the old”.
A lesson; my uncles when helping them at roughly 5 years old by getting things; laughed at me for running to get what they wanted. While laughter has its place, it should be dealt with carefully; as the purpose for me was help/ not their entertainment. Behaviors were then modified.
The most critical moment of my life: has many moments over time/ but they did all start with the Cuban missile crisis of 1962 or so. At 9 years old; I realized “these leaders” could end our world; including me. Which became a commitment for my life: to stop these people from doing any such thing. The lesson being: no matter what your age/ the reality of your decisions matter. Because every truth has a consequence, and every consequence becomes a reality which must be dealt with over time. No going back: it is, whatever it is.
But they stopped; and life seemed to be safe enough for a normal teenage years. Which I desired to learn: WHY do these others like me/ choose the way they do: WHAT am I missing? So, I became “like them” to discover “their choices”. Which led to: who can you trust? Which led to; nobody can choose to be “like them”/ in order to be male friends. Because there are always secret plans “to win” in the vast majority. Its not generally tragic; its just they are trying to decide who they are; how to live life, too.
Life will teach you: in order to be prepared for “life beyond high school”/ it is necessary to practice being with women while in high school. Unfortunately, that turned into an education; way beyond expectations. The lesson is: REAL WORLD TRUTHS must be examined and explained to achieve real world results as are needed to align with a life that is “comforted by what we know”. So as not to encounter “endless mistakes”. But the end result of it is: that young women are greatly concerned with how they are going to take care of themselves after high school. Therefore believing young men are the answer: they do latch on. While young men “never” consider the future of living beyond now; and that means marriage does not occur in their mind. Women change that with manipulation and tears; “its a whole thing”/ that needs to be dramatically changed; to improve life in time. But first on the list is: the clear opportunities for both young men and women to feel safe in their future. By having real world options which they can participate in: to belong within who they are. Love is not a game: it has costs and consequences, and ONLY TRUTH IS FAIR.
Passing beyond high school; came community (same for all) college for a couple of semesters; but they had nothing to teach, I wished to learn. As always: “memorize, mimic, and repeat”/ not think for yourself.
Marriage ended some problems, but created others; it was a quagmire/ “no solid footing to be found”. Because she wanted what she wanted, and I no longer counted. She was determined to be a “liberated woman”; and so on. But work required lots of energy spent/ lots of energy spent on trying to be kind to her needs, and retain mine. While the timing was good early on/ it went bad, as lies built on top of lies took their toll. She wanted normal/ but I was never truly normal; and that is a problem which gives the lesson: you need to be similar in your beliefs for life and living; to be married for real. Because if we are not working for the same thing/ we are fighting for what we want with each other; and somebody has to lose. And when I had lost enough: I needed time alone to rebuild “me”.
Then came divorce: we “cannot live like this”! A heartbreak, even though it was necessary; and the inevitable consequence, “no more of this”. Even though living desired better, than isolation; no trust could be found/ no real opportunity was given.
My dad was a smoker; who was clearly having difficulty surviving at the time: so I traded him, I will go to church for a year/ if you stop smoking. We agreed, and did that; he did not take it back up. I found the rules helpful, and even tried “a believer for an instant; was certain all he had to do was believe; to move mountains”. But it was a lie. Truth decides not belief.
Somewhere along this time; I had a very real vision of “things beyond time”/ and was given to believe the end result “I would be a pile of shit with seeds”. How much lower can you get? Nonetheless I continued on. The lesson became: that I would be required to endure “MANY trials and tribulations; best description BUT WHY?” Which ultimately led to learning how and why people do what they do; walk a mile in their shoes, so to speak. Never beyond the moment of change/ but up to the threshold of knowledge. So the “fertilizer” was used for the seed to grow.
I started working for a “religious charity group”; who had a for profit business to support that work, and needed help. But, reality would prove; pride is everywhere, and power is always lurking somewhere in the shadows. So while kind and valuable; problems erupted. The lesson; nobody gets to choose how to spend your money/ and it is not really charity unless you have removed the power to let “all of us” decide. Some friends were found; but different elements of purpose arose.
Somewhere along this time frame; I had some very vivid dreams (nightmares) of being attacked at night. When they would not go away, I chose to stay awake and learn how to deal with it. The end result of that being; I learned I did not need all the sleep I was getting/ and the time that opened up meant. Now I could search for answers; separate from the work I needed to do to survive. It turned into a blessing.
I started working for a “college group, who said they would provide substance for “Noah’s flood”. In direct contention with the university position of “can’t be”; a lie. So I built them an 11 foot, circular flume to recreate tidal waves in continuous motion. But realizing this is no longer a game; as I became closer to finishing it: they all began to discuss how they could hide so the university didn’t find out. The complete opposite of why I chose to build it; and subsidize the entire work. Except for utilities. “the workers; exited the building” so to speak/ and did nothing; a years work lost/ another year of income. Money given by an outside source, for the work/ taken and given to others not doing the work; to force me to quit. So I began to search for myself: and found the only lesson needed to be learned is: that the fossil fuels we burn, could not have been gathered together and buried at the same time in very large quantities without that world wide flood. Why is that not enough: “university is god”.
Somewhere along this time; a lady with children joined somewhat, and life was basically normal for a time; her children and her time a blessing. But I knew I was not going to stay; “it is a dying world”/ and there were tears.
Somewhere along this time; I began to produce inventions for the purpose of patent. But without significant training in that field; so I went to DC where the patent office was. Looked through their realities and learned their demands & how they failed; for about one month. At which point “a vision appeared in the sky”/ which no one else could see. Searching for “beyond time”; I inquired of this image WHO are you? The image failed, but as I was turning away/ it said, your false teeth should not be there (or something like that 40 years ago)/ and although I did not believe in the image/ I was NOT certain if the body is a temple now contaminated/ or not? So I knocked them out; believing better safe than sorry. One of the worst mistakes of my life; because truth not belief must decide; AND I failed that. But I learned what I needed to know about “spiritual dimensions”/ and when I was prepared a year later, I did go back inside the dimension beyond time; where only truth decides; and did well/ searching where only thought can go. Having prepared every answer in me; as is the body is strictly your own, and you can do whatever you want/ whatever happens; but you must endure the consequences you or life chose. There would be many.
It should be mentioned; that my parents did for me, as best they could/ and I am thankful for that. Lessons are a truth, with consequences! Love to spend however, comes from those who give it to you/ so that you can multiply and return it. The failure to return love to the one who gives it; will then suffer heartbreak, because it is a treasure lost forever. And must be replaced, as best you can. Realities of choice will always exist. The demand for LEGAL solutions for this nation; began somewhere around here; because a car was sold, and a trial to take it back; after it was sabotaged.
My nephew died at 9 months old of a brain tumor (tragic, in so many ways_)/ but all life with love, is a gift. It is not our own possession: want matters not. Things changed; sadness for many. Numerous realities; which required a decision. Heartbreak for some/ consequences for others.
It is: a personal conception, that since his house was sprayed for spiders/ and he came down with neuron-bastoma 3 weeks or so later. there is a connection, and it bears real world scrutiny! Hospital made mistakes too. Or more simply: the chemicals humanity makes are very dangerous to biology. I used a new glue for 8 hours, and ended in the emergency room with pancreatic damage; it healed/but felt perfect beginning of day. My cousin died of liver failure: was abusing tylenol. Genetic mutilation of our bodies due to covid; is now beginning to change things. Mutilation of all food products. Radiation everywhere; every car has it. Irrelevant use of pharmaceuticals and more. Breast cancer= “chemicals”. BUT OLD AGE not heart disease kills; because time has run out.
Of things tragic for me: was tinnitus. Caused by a tractor cab, which had been taken off by a business to be destroyed only. But they sold it to my dad at his insistence; “we’re too tough”/ was his motto. We were not! But like so many elements of my dads life; it could be sewed up with what my mom’s side grandma used to say “frank has two angels watching/ one just isn’t enough”. But, that led to the decision: I will just use physical work to change this and fight back to not so disabled; affected by just about everything. Which less than a month after that decision; became a “blood clot” which tried to kill me. Causing a roughly 70% work related physical condition for the next 30 or so years; until it came loose and tried to kill me again. But I feel much better now. The end result being both: instead of nothing but survival/ my only choices were to write or to work for understanding; as every other door was now shut. And just surviving was now a real challenge. Deaf for awhile ending the assertion maybe better off that way: answer no, not true.
After about a decade or two of fighting with the courts; obey the law of redress/ acknowledge the need. It was proven true: that power ran the courts, and very little justice or fair play was to be found. Ending with state and federal courts suddenly offering “what life said to me was a trap”/ and then demanding my access to court was removed. I continued anyway with them bringing me to court. But it was fruitless, as the demand for power “overseers”, ruled over all.
That ended, miscellaneous attempts to create some version of think for yourself was used; simply to prepare for the time to come when reality allowed a different conclusion. Which came with 9/11 “things have changed”; so my work with websites began. But as always male was not enough/ the realities of women would not participate; and I chose to enter the spiritual world to find first: “just let me leave/ nobody here listens”. And then into the spiritual world of female; “just to ask what would you do”?
Which did not turn out as expected at all: “a completely different world”/ without any knowledge as to what was true. Nonetheless, we fought, and I lost; but worked together for about 12 years. And then came the current “she is completely in charge”; like it or not. Which has resulted in the best work that we have done; for life and world.
If this somehow helps; is beyond me. However I am no longer in charge/ believe it or not; and I do the work required. “its a spiritual thing”/ you do not understand. But then neither do I; as life has dramatically changed/ and I cannot stop that effect. Lots of strange things;